


And Yes, This Is Supposed to Be Funny

by AlmondRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Genre: :/, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Urg, au where the batfamily is a thing in BvS, because that was sorely lacking, why have all my works been so short lately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7097269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmondRose/pseuds/AlmondRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark Kent hears more than just one voice on the comm that night at Lex's party...</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Yes, This Is Supposed to Be Funny

Bruce Wayne saunters away and Clark squints suspiciously at his back. He makes his way into the party and leans near a wall, scribbling nothing at his notepad. He keeps an ear on the other man, and is immediately rewarded. 

 

“You might want to head downstairs, Master Bruce,” an elderly male voice with a British accent says from a comm in Wayne’s ear, by the sound of it. Without missing a beat, Wayne smiles at the person he’s talking to, and heads to the doors, claiming he has to go to the bathroom. Clark is surprised. Wayne is acting like he’s done this thousands of times before.

 

“Stop!” a younger male voice says from the comm. Wayne stops walking. “Check your ten o’clock.” Wayne’s head turns. Clark moves his head, too, to see a beautiful woman and a man with a rather large nose chatting about something trivial. 

 

“What’s her name?” the young man asks. 

 

“Um, Claudia Flores,” another male voice from over the comm responds. 

 

“Does B have her number?” Wayne scoffs and continues toward the doors. Clark sidles after him, trying to look inconspicuous. 

 

“Urg, Grayson, why?” yet another young man asks. 

 

“She’s a redhead, duh,” the first young man says. “Ow!” 

 

“Let us focus on the task at hand, boys,” the elderly Brit says. “Around the corner, Master Wayne.” Clark goes down after the billionaire. For a few minutes, he listens to the old man narrate where Wayne should go, then he hears the youngest voice so far ask, “What is that, Brown?”

 

“You’d think you’d know popcorn when you see it. Or smell it,” a girl responds. Clark ignores the “Of course I know what popcorn is, but  _ why  _ do you have it?” and freezes, because Wayne turned around on the stairs to face him. Clark tries not to look guilty, and he whistles the first song that popped into his head--Taylor Swift’s  _ You Belong With Me.  _ Wayne frowns and keeps going down. Clark goes up the stairs to throw him off his trail, then waits a few seconds--still listening to “Brat Wonder” and “Fatgirl” bicker while “Grayson” has commandeered “Brown’s” popcorn, and “Restaurant Boy” tries to calm them down, only to have “Little Demon” start a fight with him. Clark wonders what the heck is going on with those guys. 

 

Later on, he figures out Bruce Wayne is Batman. Later on, Bruce Wayne figures out he is Superman. Later on, there is a bomb in congress, set there by Lex Luthor. Later on, Lex kidnaps his ma. But although later on, Superman and Batman may have fought each other in the name of something stupid on Batman’s part and blackmail on Superman’s, they don’t. Because later on, when Superman arrives in Gotham, he is faced with seven vigilantes on that rooftop. One in black and blue, one with a red hood, one in a mostly red outfit with two “R”s on the front, one in all black, one in purple and black, one in yellow, green, and red, and one in the Batsuit and a cowl. Six of these heroes have spent so much time trying to convince the seventh that Superman is not to be fought. Clark can see how much Batman--and more than Batman, how much  _ Bruce Wayne-- _ means to them. And they mean so much to him, so he listens. 

 

And Bruce hears that Lex had Martha Kent. And Batman and Robin go to save her, while Superman goes and apprehends Lex Luthor. 

 

And yes, Martha is saved. And yes, Doomsday is still created. And yes, he is defeated due to a mix of “superior training from the League of Assassins” (Clark should really look that up), “circus training” (Clark vaguely remembers Bruce Wayne adopts Dick Grayson), and “good old-fashioned Bat-paranoia” (Batgirl’s words, not his). 

 

And no, Clark doesn’t die. And no, he doesn’t propose to Lois. Because he doesn’t know how, he can’t put her in danger, but she’s still his best friend, and why is this so hard. She kisses him gently, tells him she expected nothing less, and leaves. 

 

But yes, Clark falls in love with Bruce. Years and years later. And Lois gives her blessing, because yes, Bruce falls in love too. 

  
And yes, of course they got together because Dick tricked them into it. Why else?

**Author's Note:**

> whoo! thanks for reading!


End file.
